I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
