I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
