did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my shit smells like andre
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
