Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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