My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
