either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
