i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
