i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
