The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize