i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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