I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
