at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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