I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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