She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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