when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
