and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
