he thought i was a dude.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
