you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize