I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
