i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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