i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
