guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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