I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize