i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
