return my video game
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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