Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
