I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
