soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
