So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
