My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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