forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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