she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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