take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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