I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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