A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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