and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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