Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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