You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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