just come out here and I will go home with you...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
