There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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