i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
