do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
