The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
