So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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