i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
