Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
