Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
