worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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