i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
