it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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