had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize