thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
