his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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