I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
