Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
