Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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