Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
