I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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