in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
