We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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