I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
