I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
