can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
