i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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