I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
