I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
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