just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
