I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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