dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
