Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
