Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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