My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i think i just lost a toe
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
