apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
