Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
