I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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