He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
