just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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