My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I supernannyed him into submission
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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