Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
