I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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