My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just pee around me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
