i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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