I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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