He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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