absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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