Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My vagina is very pro this idea
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
