I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
