he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
