I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what day is it and did you see me today?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
