Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My balls are so social today.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
