Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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