grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize