Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
