a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
