did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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