planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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